HILTS: Why do situationships exist?

Kaderra Hilts

A “situationship,” according to the most popular definition on Urban Dictionary, is “a relationship that has no label on it. Like a friendship, but more than a friendship, not quite a relationship.” 

I will not say that situationships are a waste of time because in every type of relationship, you learn something. 

You may learn about what you do and do not like in a partner, friend or even yourself. 

So much growth comes from successful relationships and even more so failed relationships.

However, I will say that situationships are built to be emotionally draining. 

Two people put themselves into a situation where they do everything you would do in a relationship, but without the title. This is a difficult thing to keep up because in the midst of enjoying all the pleasures of this person, you have to refrain from “catching feels” or becoming too emotionally attached to that person. 

You have all of the physical and emotional feelings that come with a romantic relationship but without the blanket of security that comes from being claimed. This is a terrible mix because your feelings are always in danger of being hurt.  

At some point, you are going to be reminded that your partner is free to give their love, time and attention to someone else. You may also look around and see other people in relationships and wonder why your partner does not want to be bound to you. Then, there is also the matter of if you allow other people to know about your situationship. 

There is far too much room for doubt and insecurities. 

It is like fertile soil for all of the worst qualities of people to come out, such as jealousy, passive aggression, possessiveness, clinginess, etc. Humans are emotional creatures, and we feel things even if we do not acknowledge them. 

So, being intimate with someone, physically and emotionally, is a recipe for feeling something toward them. 

Why have a voluntary relationship of any type with someone you do not like?  Nobody wins in a situationship. All you have done is gained new emotional baggage from someone you cannot even call your ex. 

My definition of a situationship is “a relationship you get into in order to gain attention, sex, and momentary entertainment in the laziest way possible.” It is nothing more than a pleasurable distraction from whatever you do not want to think about when you are alone. 

Even though I am not a stranger to situationships, I do not believe in them either. I do not believe in giving access to my love, body and attention to someone who does not want me exclusively. I feel that I am too valuable to allow someone to have me without working for it. 

I wish for everyone to feel that way about themselves. However, I also had to go through situationships to learn that about myself.

I do not think situationships should be a thing, however. I understand why people do it, and I do not blame them. 

It is fun, exciting and easy to get sucked into if everything else in your life is not what you want it to be. However, I think it is important to be honest with yourself on why you feel the need to be in these types of relationships. 

Above all else, it is better to put your energy into a real and loving relationship with yourself and to always protect your heart.