My homeboy recently Facebooked me a link to “8 Reasons to Date a White Man,” an article that was published on the Madame Noire Web site. That vitriol.
The author, LaShaun Williams, proclaimed her marriage to a Black man, but encouraged sistas to do the café con leche.
While the article presented legitimate concerns including financial stability, double standards, illegitimate children and sexual orientation dishonesty, the issues were presented offensively.
She asked Black women, “…What are you waiting for-a baby and no ring?”
She implied that White men are better men because (she believes) they don’t view women’s success as slights to their manhood.
“What Black men see as threatening is what makes a great wife and business partner to (White men),” she said.
She added this:
“… White men come from stronger family structures and more traditional gender roles, where the men seek to care for the women.”
Yes, traditional practices are intact for some White families; but, American families as a whole aren’t always traditional.
Yes, today’s Black people have a marriage issue. Forty-two percent of Black adults have never tied the knot, according to www.chron.com.
The site also includes the 26 percent marriage rate of all Americans.
But White Americans also marry more times. White Americans form nearly 84 percent of the country’s twice married, according to the 2008 American Community Survey.
The survey also reported that about 88 percent of Americans married thrice or more are White.
White men are more likely to remarry than other groups.
So, is it worse to habitually hitch or never to do so? Are these actions perceived differently because of the doers different races?
Williams highlights saddening psychological implications.
Among these is encouragement for Black women to seek Prince (White) Charming’s rescue.
I have heard too many sistas talk about interracially dating out of spite.
There’s a formula to these conversations: The White man fairy tale must follow a diatribe dogging Black men and lamenting about the supposed deficit of them.
The men are presented as oppositional. The reasoning goes … Black men personify carelessness, violence and promiscuity. White men personify chastity, love and compassion.
While interracial dating and unions are on the rise, I have heard few White men discuss their admiration for Black women beyond our bodies and presumed carnal capabilities.
Rape culture rap, vixens and Black plight cinema support this kind of anti-Black stereotyping. Culture has fetishized the “other.”
Because of this, Black women are misinterpreted as risky alternatives and rhythmic experiences.
That does not mean that every White man with a Black woman believes the hype; but, we are all influenced by our environments.
Williams’ article is a reminder that some Black men and women remain at odds with each other.
It emphasized that some Black women are routinely frustrated by Black men and internalize White-is-right notions.
That is not a cure-all. Continuing to strive for what we want is.
Sistas are often too disoriented by the societal stupor that accompanies their race and gender cocktail to work against oppression.
Harboring anti-Black and anti-male resentment is oppressive. These beliefs lead many hurt Black women to lash out at Black men.
And no matter what bass and bravados convey, Black men hurt too. Maybe too many sistas forget racism and its effects on behavior.
Black men are disproportionately targeted by police and funneled into the prison industrial complex, and are stereotyped into sprinting feet and top Billboard beats.
We are categorized too. The Hottentot Venus, Mammy, Jezebel and welfare queen stereotypes exist for a reason.
“The Man” is not out to dismantle our community. However, a hegemonic White power structure has controlled our images and thus altered our minds since we came to the United States.
Not every White person is an automatic oppressor; but, some Black women’s slavish mentalities are evidence of strange fruit that is detrimental to the Black community.
It is unrealistic to simultaneously condemn and revere White people.
There are men of every race who exemplify the grandest desires of our hearts and the most disheartening disappointments. The same can be said for women.
We are all in this together.
If/when brothas fail, so do we.
Instead of condemning them for fallibility, we should learn more about what contributes to discord.
With knowledge comes understanding, and oftentimes, wisdom and patience. I am not telling sistas to bypass a beige soulmate; but, damning a dark one is not healthy either.