Student tells compelling life-changing story

 With religion and spirituality, we are always taught to speak life, encourage ourselves, pay attention to the blessings and the positive energy. We are also taught the power of God or the great Universe and how it speaks to us daily. 

But one conversation we all miss out on is, what to do when all these great things are no longer happening. When you wake up and feel you have no more life left in you to even speak. When we are encouraged by suicidal thoughts and have no energy to pretend that your circumstances are okay. 

When your mind has convinced you, you have ran out of blessings so you heart feels you have ran out of God. What are we to do, when the world is focusing on gay marriage, masturbation, yoga and vegan food, while your only focus is,… is it all worth it?

I remembered finding myself at rock bottom. I didn’t hear Gods voice nor did I know how to search for it. Church sermons no longer focused on me and reading someone else’s spiritual blog didn’t ease my day either. I entertained myself with suicidal thoughts and I convinced myself that I was depressed. My mind was convinced I ran out of blessings so my heart believed I ran out of God. Taking the time out to enjoy the day didn’t appeal to me, but laying in my own misery kept me company. I didn’t know what to do.

I began searching for answers, not just in the bible or someone else’s spiritual diary, but began to search within myself, because if I was going to kill myself, I better have a damn good reason to give God. I asked myself why are you so unhappy?  That’s when I realized it wasn’t me that was in pain, but it was the devil. I had become so disconnected with God and all the good around me, I allowed the devil to speak louder than God into my life. 

See life comes with challenges for everyone. There are those who are suffering from suicidal thoughts, and those suffering from life threatening diseases, both equally painful. The only problem with depression, there is no physical cure for it, but thankfully there is a God for it.

Life isn’t promised to be easy, but when you allow the devil to tell you something is wrong, you will begin to shut down. Know that there is no mistake, death, broken relationship or illness stronger than your God.

When you forget that, that’s when the devil begins to work, it will tell you, you are depressed and you will begin to act like you are depressed. You will walk around looking down, missing any opportunity God has waiting for you. You begin to focus on all the minor bad things ignoring all the major great things.

Stop allowing that force to feed on your truths. You truths are your purpose, your happiness, your joy, your love and your peace. Stop allowing it to tell you something is wrong with you.

Life will be hard and you will feel broken, but that does not mean your blessings have stopped. Thankfully God is not some three wish genie you have to be careful with, but God is an actual unlimited force of power. A force that doesn’t feed off you, but grows bigger when you feed off it. 

Your mind can convince you something is wrong, because your mind is taught by the world, but it is your heart that belongs to God. I ask you to step out today, and claim your happiness; confuse the devil and your mind. Allow God to speak in your heart. Your circumstances may be broken, but you my love are not. LOVE YOU!


Lenore Jean-Baptiste is a senior mass communication major from Las Vegas.