Domestic violence survivor expresses her story


For seven years I loved a man I called my husband. I loved my husband unconditionally. I allowed myself to be the wife the Bible says I am suppose to be. You know; the wife who submits to her husband, honors him, respects him, listens to him, obey him and follows him as he follows Christ, by any means necessary.  

Colossians 3:18 “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”

I was the target of a generational curse, unbridled anger, an unforgiving past, a harden heart, of habitual lies and bad habits, with no way out.  For seven I called my husband the lover of my life, my provider, my protector; my everything.  For seven; behind closed does and secret walls, the enemy (Satan/the Devil) tried to cause me to lose my mind, take control of my thoughts, and lose sight of my Heavenly Father.  For years, I didn’t even know my own name.  For seven, I thought I knew his name.  “What is his name?”  “I thought you’d never ask.”   Let’s just call him, Wretched Man.  And in those seven, Wretched Man abused me emotionally, verbally, mentally and physically.

Romans 7:24 King James Version (KJV) “O Wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?”

In his mind (somewhere over the rainbow) he thought he had the right.  In his mind, I was his property, to do as he pleased.  In his mind, though gothic and demented it may sound; he thought he was my God; in his mind, and his mind, only.  I knew not what was in his heart. He would say, “I HATE THIS MARRIAGE!” His actions toward me said one thing, but (to OTHERS) his mouth said another; “I LOVE MY WIFE.”  ‘Yeah! Right!’ I moaned, (Said the SPIDER to the FLY).  Wretched Man, (The Spider) and “Must I say who the FLY was?”

Luke 6:45 Amplified Bible (AMP) ‘The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good  treasure (stored) in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.”

There were times I was beaten so badly, I couldn’t talk, walk or even see the bright of day. Twice, I had to get stitches from being stabbed; first in my foot (11-stitches); another time in my thigh (8-stitches). 

On one attack, he choked me so long, my eyes almost popped out of my head. My eyes were so blood shot red that I thought I would never see the whites again. When I did see the whites; I ran, jumped; shouted for joy. “Hallelujah!”

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 New Living Testament(NLT) 8 “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don’t give up and quit.” 

9 “We are hunted  down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going.”

Simple scriptures began to confuse me. You know, the ones concerning a husband and a wife; the ones he clearly over-looked. Maybe Wretched Man was never taught those scriptures that meant the most concerning God’s covenant of marriage (as in the Bible). Or maybe he simply, just didn’t care. I might have understood wretched man’s behavior, if he was still a man of the world; or why he would physically attack me, and at times emotionally hurt me, or just be mean to me because he could. He was a Pastor (an Elder) from the House of God; a well known House of God.

Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

So there was no way he didn’t know better. He had to know better. “Didn’t he?”  Wretched man was a man of the cloth; a holy man; a man of high standards, supposedly; a man of God; a man who taught the word of God (the Bible); and prayed for others; all the time; more than I can count.

Romans 12:2(KJV) “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing Of  your mind that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable,  and perfect, will of God.”

And to add insult to injury, wretched man prayed without seize. At times, I would just look at him and think to myself; [For I dare not speak out loud] “I wonder what happened to him?” Maybe, he too was abused and just didn’t want to talk about it. 

He would talk about how abusive his dad was to his mother and his step-mother. His dad had to have been abusive to him. Sometimes I found myself feeling sorry for him. Other times I wanted him go far away and never come back. Wretched man was convinced he was right in ALL his wrong doings. He was a master in flipping, twisting and turning the scriptures to fit his actions. 

He was so crazy. “Wait a minute. I guess I shouldn’t Judge him?” My grandfather used to say, “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks.” And my response would always be, “Grandpa, we don’t live in a glass house.  Do we?”  “Am I judging him, or am I just being honest; telling the truth about him?” Proverbs 16:25(AMP) 

“There is a way that seems right to a Man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death. Proverbs 28:26(KJV) “He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.”

Oh my God! What a big disappointment this was for me.  Out of all the years of dating so-called saved, and Unsaved brothers; the one relationship that should have been the greatest of them all, ended up being the absolute worst of them all.  It was like a ‘Night-mare on Elm Street’ but this Freddie would never go away.  

When I slept, he was there.  When I awake, he was there.  I pray there not be another relationship labeled ‘WORST of them ALL’ in my life. I even began to wonder if the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit were also shocked and disappointed.  “They had to be!”  



Deborah “Sunshine” Gibson-Westbrook

GSU Alumna