In any relationship, being with a friend or significant other, we begin with an initial understanding of one another. We talk, laugh, and express general compassion or a connection with one another. After which, we conclude whether or not we will mesh with that person. Some say they instantly know if a person is suited for friendship.
On the other hand, some say it is tricky to determine, especially when dealing with a liar. What happens when the person you met turns into someone different?
For example, you ask him what he did last Saturday and he tells you he went to the museum. Maybe he says at the museum he saw a guy try to rob the gift shop, but two off duty cops wearing blue hats caught him. And later you learn he was really at a movie with his girlfriend and you think, why the heck did he make that up?
I believe that pathological lying is a disorder of identity. The person imagines a separate identity and fantasizes about experiences, which may be ordinary and predictable. He went to the museum, but only in his mind. The point is that he imagines himself to be another person.
I have found that lying is a natural skill in which people learn early in life. Starting at about age 3, it is normal for kids to lie to get out of trouble. Not only do they lie to avoid punishment, but it come very naturally for kids. They are also good at it.
So the next question we ask ourselves is: At what age are we suppose to stop lying? As adults, we find lying fairly common, but for the most part, people are good at it. Most lies people tell to their romantic partners are never discovered.
The odds of getting caught in a lie are slim because most people do not want to hear the truth.
It is often unpleasant and painful. So at the end of the day, people will go out of their way to believe a lover’s lie rather than dig for the truth. Lying to a spouse or lover is easy, because loved ones make it easy.
Typically, deceptive behavior is driven by the fear of being embarrassed, punished, or even rejected. And fear is one of our most basic emotions. Whether we realize it or not, fear works overtime to protect us from harm. It influences a lot of our responses, especially our deceptive behavior.
Even when we claim to lie out of kindness or to protect another’s feelings, fear lurks in the background. Realizing that deception is driven by fear is the key to getting people to be more truthful.
Why let fear control your life? A simple lie can either make or break and individual. Why risk losing your friend or significant other with lies? Honesty is always the best policy.
Studies have shown that lies cause stress, anxiety, and even serious health problems. The initial shock of discovering an affair and the uncertainty it creates, may lead to depression, anger, shame, obsessive thoughts, dwelling on the details of the affair, inability to concentrate just to name a few.
Did you know that lying is actually a disease? It a direct indicator of a mental disorder. Makes you think twice about lying, huh? It’s just not worth the trouble people! It pays to come clean and be up front.
Telling the truth might allow you and your partner to grow closer through the experience. It is simply the best thing to do. If you begin a relationship with a lie, do you honestly believe it will survive? That’s a no brainier! Be true to yourself and others builds character and self worth.
Ashley Bradford-Leichmon is a senior mass communication major from Crossett, Ark.