I’ve read all the stories in the paper about individuals being overweight and being skinny. For those who don’t know, let me inform you. I am 5’10, 140 pounds. I weighed about 130 pounds in the ninth grade. So I’ve only gained 10 pounds in 71/2 years. How embarrassing is that?
Many people may look at me and say, “Oh, she has a nice shape.” Some may think that I’m to skinny. I think my shape is terrible. All my life, I’ve had low self-esteem. I may not have come off that way, but I beat myself up every day about the way I look.
In the entertainment industry, they want you to be thin, even skinny. But in the hip-hop world, the only way a female is respected is if she’s “thick.” The ladies in the videos are very, very beautiful! Their bodies seem unreal. Their curvaceous physique is the only reason they get noticed.
So what is a slim person supposed to do? Are we no good for anything? Are we not sexy? What’s wrong with being slim? I struggle with these questions every day. When I’m getting ready for school in the morning, I sometimes find myself crying. asking God, “Why? Why must I look this way? Why did I have to be skinny? Why can’t I look like the girls in the videos?”
Since elementary school, I have been talked about. My peers have called me names that range anywhere from “Olive Oyl” to “String Bean.” I try to laugh it off and show no pain, but I’m crying on the inside. Even family members have their say every once in a while.
This is a very serious matter to me. I feel very out of place when I’m in a crowd. The few friends that I have are short and very beautiful. It’s like you don’t see their flaws, but you can always see mine.
I’ve even thought about getting plastic surgery done so that I could “fit in.” Just about every girl I see on campus has a great shape. Their breasts, hips and butts all seem to be the “perfect” size. And when I see these females, I may even stop right there in my tracks and ask God, “Why can’t I look like her?”
I need to understand that there is no such thing as being perfect, or having the perfect shape. What does “fine” really mean? Am I my own worst enemy?
Am I being too hard on my appearance? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I need to straighten myself out. I need to love myself first. I should be thankful for how God made me.
This may sound like a testimony. And that it is! I need to take my own advice and get myself right. If I don’t like me, who will?