He Said, She Said


These letters are real problems submitted by our readers. While most are from students, The Gramblinite welcomes mail from everyone.

Q: My sister is getting married in about three weeks. She is excited and my parents have shelled out a lot of money for this. I found out that I am pregnant and I know that the baby is his. I had sex with him about two months ago. I was angry at my sister and he was drunk. I never wanted to hurt her and I am sure that this was a one time deal, because he made that clear when he realized what had happened. He has never touched me or led me to believe that he would ever behave like that, but now that I am pregnant I don’t know what to do. Should I tell, have an abortion, or just have this baby and keep my secret? Help!

She said: This is a hell of a mess that you’ve gotten yourself into. Rash decisions usually lead to harsh mistakes, a lesson I know you can attest to first hand. You should know by now that you have hurt more people than just your sister. If she gets married then finds out later she will be angry at both of you and may resent the child that she has grown to love as her niece or nephew. If you have an abortion (which is a sin), then you will have to deal with those emotions and they can be rough. I personally would tell him first, because you should not have to make this decision alone. I would also tell my parents and see what they suggest, because this is going to hurt no matter what happens.

He said: You made a very big mistake by letting anger overtake you. You should tell her and ask for her forgiveness. As the old cliche’ goes: “Blood is thicker than water.” In a twisted perspective, you are probably doing her a favor because it is probably not the first time he has done this to your sister.

Q: I am a college senior and I am on my second try applying for membership to a particular sorority. I was recently denied membership, again. Each time it has been some lame excuse as to why I have been denied. I have the grades, the recommendations and the community service, but they keep rejecting me. I have looked at their national site and spoken to someone who holds a regional position and I was advised to report them to nationals. I am considering it, because I along with several others are tired of the way they treat people and act on this campus where it applies to people seeking membership into their organization. Advise me.

She said: If you know that you are being denied on bogus terms, then you should call their national office. I know that most Greek organization’s national faction does not tolerate the foolishness that these organizations put you through on the campus level. Maybe a wake up call from nationals will help them get their act together.

He said: If you can actually prove that you have been discriminated against then you should contact the national department and report it.

Q: My boyfriend has asked me to marry him. I was a bit shocked because we are only sophomores. I am 19 and he is 20. Make no mistake, I love him and we have been together for about four-and-a-half years. I wouldn’t be apprehensive because we could have a long engagement, but he wants to get married before this year is out. My parents have already said that they will not support or attend this function if I do it before I graduate. His parents are in full support of us and have offered to pay for the wedding of my dreams. I do want to marry him, but if my parents won’t come I know it won’t be the happiest day of my life as I had hoped it would be. No matter what I say to my parents they refuse to even acknowledge it. My fiancee’ has offered to wait, but why should we? We don’t want to live in sin any longer. What do we do?

She said: Well, woman to woman, you have two very plausible options. 1. You can wait until you graduate to marry and abstain from premarital sex, because that is where your sin truly lies. 2. You can search your soul, and if marriage is a leap that you are willing to take then, start planning the wedding of your dreams. I personally prefer choice two, because once God blesses your marriage, then no one can tear it apart.

He said: I congratulate you on your engagement, and I commend both of you for wanting to do the right thing. I was in the same situation about a year ago. I had to do a lot of thinking, and I also was given a lot of advice. I think that you should listen to your parents this time around and wait until you both graduate. Marriage is a big commitment and one of you might not be as ready as you think you are.