Arshauna Candler is a senior sports management major from San Diego, Calif.
Everybody has heard of the term ‘ride or die.’ In today’s society, especially in the African American community, that is people’s relationship goals. A lot of men are looking for women who are willing to go through turmoil and endure situations with them in order to prove their loyalty. The term ‘ride or die’ has been made popular through the African American culture, more specifically rap music.
Rapper Gucci Mane and his wife Keyshia Ka’oir have recently brought light to the term through an Instagram post. Gucci posted his wife, praising her for sticking by his side through circumstances such as prison time, drug abuse, and infidelity. He went on to say that “she knew what she signed up for” and went on to bash women who leave a man after a few inconveniences.
Personally, I feel that this term is glamorized entirely too much. At the end of the day, it is promoting toxic behavior. Although love is a strange thing, love is not supposed to hurt. Love is not supposed to break you down. I feel like a lot of young men feel as if a woman has to go through type of tragedy or turmoil with him in order to prove her loyalty to them. There are literally some men in the world that create toxic situations to “test” how loyal their girl is to them. That within itself is toxic. If you feel the need to put someone through emotional distress in order to test their loyalty, then you need to grow up.
If you love someone, you would not put them in a situation in which may be unsafe or troubling to them. J. Cole said …”If I ever catch me a body, I’ll make you a promise, you won’t know about it. I can’t get you caught up in messes I made”. I feel like this is what people should do for their significant others. If you mess up, what good is it to drag your loved one into your mess?
I feel as though a lot of women are stuck in these toxic ‘ride or die’ positions due to a lack of self love. Women should love themselves enough to know when it is time to leave. If you spend most of your relationship constantly dealing with toxic events, then why not leave? At this point, the relationship is causing more harm than good.
I think another issue connected with this is the confusion in relationships. To further explain, I feel as if a lot of women in my generation are trying to play wife to a boyfriend. These are two different roles and relationships. It would be different with someone who you are married to because you are in a recognized union. Your union is supposed to be built to withstand certain situations such as the addictions, etc.
However, there are women out here risking their lives and freedom for someone they have only been dating for a couple months… no. As I said before, if your significant other truly cared about you, regardless of their struggles and decisions, they would not put you at risk with their issues and circumstances.
Ladies, love yourself enough to leave. Know your worth, and then add taxes. Love is supposed to be filled with laughter, security and happiness, not toxic circumstances.